Nostalgia

It's pouring outside. It's almost dark and i can hear the thunder. And i feel a tiny bit nostalgic. I dreamt of home yesterday. Home and moments that i have left behind. I know this is a diversion from the 'current mood of sillyness' which i had enthusiastically proclaimed will continue for some time, but i don't particularly feel silly at this moment. Guess it's the rain.

I would like to think, i have come a long way. A long way from the giggly, naive teenager that i was. On being prodded once, Chitra told me what she thought of me when we first met. 'Freshly hatched egg' was what she said she thought of me! Did i come across as that naive?!! It seems i did! But then that was long back. My friends have seen my journey from 'Freshly hatched egg' to what i am today. Someone has always been there with me in my worst moments.

Somehow Kavita and me never talked about fashion and accessories and the usual girly stuff that is the main topic of discussion amongst most girls that age. Perhaps it was because of her age. She is 5yrs my senior. But we surprisingly connected well! Maybe i wasn't that naive after all! I was the youngest amongst my friends and in a way it worked for me. We had more to talk about. More than what i would have if i had been with girls my age. I remember the grand plans that we made, on our bus rides back home. Plans about saving up money and taking a euro trip, just us girls. Travelling and not resorting to a cooped-up existence is something that i dreamt of even then.

My friends have been witness to my goof-ups and embarrassments as well. I remember this incident on Kavita's wedding. She was getting married to a bengali. All of us - our whole batch took a trip down to Lucknow and i have hardly had so much fun...ever! Because it was a Bengali wedding, we had a 'Bashor Ghor'. On the wedding night, all friends and family gather around and spend the night singing, dancing - having a good time basically. Now we had some singers in our gang - the girl's side. Jeevan was there with his guitar, and of course yours truly had to sing. I could sing quite well back then, it was customary for me to sing in gatherings of this kind those days. But that was long back. It's different now. Anyway as i was singing, and i reckon i must have been singing well enough, one of kavita and her husbands friends started tossing money on me! And my obvious reaction was that of shock! I had never expected anything like that and i had seen things like this in movies only and that too 'you know in what' settings. I was embarrassed. I was very very embarrassed. But i continued singing - later i learnt that it's not an uncommon practice in lucknow. It's part of their culture and is a token of appreciation. I was relieved. There are countless such moments that we have shared. Countless nerve-wracking moments on being proposed, little crushes that are so much part of being young.

Some years later, they were there by my side at my wedding. Chitra and Kavita, both dressed in red border saris - perhaps they thought it appropriate for a bengali wedding! But there was no throw-away money this time around :D

I am happy that i am in touch with all three of them. Chitra i chat with almost everyday. She has been with me through my darkest moments. I meet up with Kavita and Preeti whenever i'm in Delhi. I guess our friendships survived because we were there for each other all along, but we never owned each other. Each one of us is living a different life, but each one of us will somehow or the other always be there in each others lives.

I got this really nice email from Kavita after i met up with her in delhi this time around. She wrote:

Hi Appu

I keep looking at the photos of us, its really nice. Its nice to feel that time has passed and some things (like u just dont change).

I thought i have changed a lot. But perhaps i haven't - inside.

As i sit inside writing this while it's pouring outside, i can't help but remember this incidence.

It was my 18th b'day. Kavita and me stayed nearby so the days she brought her moped i would take a ride with her. But there was no moped that day. So we had to take a walk from our Art School to the bus stop, which was some way. And all of a sudden it started pouring! There we were two friends walking in the pouring rain. Me in my blue embroidered salwaar kameez. Bouquets in my hands. Lots of roses. Lots of cards inside my bag. And soaked to the skin. Walking in the downpour, not a care in the world, not even bothering to take shelter! I remember saying that the rain was a birthday gift from the heavens above! I have always liked rain - the one that lashes out and pours.

It's raining pretty much the same now, but i haven't taken a walk in the rain in a long while. I haven't been soaked to the skin in rain, in a long while. I would love to though. Some other time.