2 weeks

Photo session of a different kind! :)

Another world... beneath. Underwater World.

And yet another, tucked away but right beside. Orchid Garden - Botanical Garden.

I have just come back from the airport. Ma-baba are gone and the first thing that screams out in the house is the silence. Everything is so quiet.

I have become extremely awkward in emotional situations, especially goodbyes. And i realised its so easy for some, especially our previous generation to be expressive about their emotions. While ma-baba had moist eyes at the airport, i felt ill at ease. I wanted to flee as soon as i could. Not because i wasn't feeling sad or emotional, but because i feel as though i have lost control of my life if i were to let out too much, especially in front of my parents. I feel as if i need to gather the bits and pieces of myself, my life and sanity and theirs too, in my palms, and if i were to let out too much, it would weaken me and my parents in the process. I do not want to be weak.

The 2 weeks went past in a moment its seems. Despite the occassional generational gap debates and annoyances, i am glad ma-baba enjoyed themselves and i could spend some time with them and take them out and about. Maa was forced to walk more than she ever had, her rotund figure waddling like a duck! Needless to say she was the butt of baba and my jokes. Baba had his fill of Beer and Whiskey and Ma enjoyed the Orchids in the Botanical gardens, and i came to see a part of Singapore that i had not witnessed before; so serene, calm and beautiful. Its strange how there are tranquil worlds tucked away behind the hustle and bustle of the city, that thrive and breathe a life of their own, and we never realise that they are within our reach, as we are wrenched, pulled and pushed in our everyday rigmarole.

Stranger is the fact that my world has become to be what it is now, a far cry from my parents world or what they had expected my life would turn out to be. Their world seems to have frozen somewhere while mine has moved on. However at the end of day i guess, they reconcile and are happy if their children are happy.

I realise it is indeed true that when parents grow old they become your kids. When ma kept looking back at me from the immigration queue, her round self turning back and looking at me with long lost eyes, she looked like that child who is being forced to leave something precious behind. And i felt heavy in my heart and relieved at the same time. Relieved because i wanted to get back to my world, where i felt in control of my emotions, my life... heavy at heart because i realised how selfless their love is...

Can t believe that I'm the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know you never told me

Yeah boy band... so what...

escape

Often times, when the mind is tired, i wish for it to rain or i get fleeting glimpses of moments from my childhood behind shut eyes; mostly about rain or storms or amidst nature. Perhaps because it gives a sense of coziness, you know how it is like when you are younger/child. Maybe it is so, because other side is always greener? When we are younger we cant wait to grow up and get it all under our control, be the masters of our destiny and escape the drudgery of school and studies. And then we grow up and life serves us few punches, some that we can handle, a few which are tougher, yet most of us manage. So, at times a few of us reminisce with pink goggles.
Escape.

I was about to sleep and i closed my eyes and these moments from my younger years floated. Delhi is not really known for its rains, yet i remember this once, eons back when it poured. It must have rained plenty times after that, but this imagery remains with me, when waves of water poured and washed down the roads. I used to love the rare occurance of what we used to call 'shila brishti', something like bits of snow (?) with rain. And i do miss the typhoons and storms of HK when all i could hear was the roar of wind outside and all i could see was the tall palms sway. Funny how nature in turmoil can make one feel snug and cozy.

Escape.

Which reminds me, i was watching the rerun of yesterdays episode of KBC tonight. So this person on being teased by SRK about how he gets away with daydreaming about gopis (women) replies how its easier to think/daydream of things as compared to doing them in real life. Fo example, you can walk on the moon, land on mars in your dreams, achieving that in real life in material terms is another ballgame... similarly you can think of as many gopis in your mind as you want as long as you dont go ahead and try turn your dream into reality.
Makes sense? :P

Its late, goodnight you all... sweet dreams! :)