m-u-n-d-a-n-e

the mundane numbs the mind
i wish i was someplace else
perched atop the fluffy blues
nestled inside the steel wings
cuddled in those long (hairy? ;-)) limbs

perhaps somewhere green
lush plush washed clean
perhaps somewhere brown
the gold dust clings to gold of the skin
it could be the misty hills
or the rain lashed sands
we could make the time stand still
untill its time to return...
to the mundane that numbs the mind


It has been a tiring week and my mind is b-l-a-n-k. I need a vacation! :-)




Nahin Saamne - Taal

One of my all time favourites.

Sunrise

Since the sun sets on the old blog... it rises here.

This is where you will find me now.
You can still tread through the jungle of memories in the old blog. :)


Here's a toast to the new skin, new beginings!

Home

September. A month of closures. The door opens to something new and beautiful. Something new yet so close... as if i have known it for ever...


i am building the walls again
but..

what if the cracks revisit
and the black slithers in
unnoticed...

what if someone sneaks in
unnoticed...
and takes my treasure away

what if you invite the intruder...

what if the walls are imaginary
and my home exists in my mind
while you breathe in open air
would you lay the bricks with me

what if you build a home
different from mine...


---


Alcohol has seeped in and random thoughts sweep in.

September was a month of closures. A couple of years back, this was something i dreaded.. and strangely enough a couple of years later the closure has brought immense relief. Because life is beautiful.
And thats all thanks to you.. :)

Yet, at times doubts knock at the door and i take a step back... i don want this to be an illusion yet again. Please let this be right... let this be forever... let me be the "little one" forever. Forevers... yet again... I dont know who i plead to. Cant be god because i dont believe in one. Certainly not in the conventional sense..

That brings me to something, i was back at home a couple of weeks back and everytime i am at home, i am amazed at the devoutness of my parents and others like them. How did i turn out to be a non-believer while my parents have immense faith in god and the justice that the all encompassing force delivers, despite the blows life has dished out to them. And when justice is not done, the fault must lie either with the deeds of previous birth or all will be taken care of in the next one.

Sometimes i think my parents and their likes who believe in cosmic justice have held onto their innocence, while i lost it along the way. I am without a religion or faith... yet i dont label myself an atheist.... maybe nature is that god that i can attempt to believe in. But then there is no justice in nature... theres just survival.

I was watching something on TV the other day which showed how monkeys (apes? i dont exactly remember)/ animals in general figure out what to do to take care of their health. They self medicate and know what to do when they fall ill. So how do they do it without possession of human intelligence or the knowhow of science and medicine? So there... nature is survival... not justice.

Then again, last night while flipping through channels, i chanced upon this discussion on the other world... the world of spirits and paranormal. I hate horror films... any horror film that i have watched has been through the gaps between my palms, slits between my eyelids or behind magazines. The idea of the other world is uneasy for me. I like the clinical option... that you die and thats the end... its clean, there is no confusion, no hanging around the seams. But then what about the paranormal incidents that people have experienced. While i write this, i realise how far i have come from the person i was in younger years. Having been brought up on a regular diet of bengali ethos sprinkled with seasonings of Durga puja, Kali puja etc... i am very far away from that world. I dont know if its a good thing or bad. But i cringe at the thought of regionalism/fanaticism/caste ism or any other pigeon hole. To me, i am my own person first and foremost...everything else that defines me... my language, the religion i was born in, the caste system that i so detest, does not exist in my world. I have my own rules and beliefs and everyone is an individual to me, shorn of these artificial embellishments... And thats the alcohol speaking... :)

I haven't written in such a long time that, there is a deluge of feelings and thoughts spilling over. Thankfully, much of it will be wiped out before staining this space... I want it to rain, it hasn't rained for what it seems a long while... perhaps becasue it has been so hot past few days.

Its late... i think i will pour myself some more Black label, indulge in some Pink Floyd and then hit the bed.

Have a wonderful, beautiful, lovable, huggable, silly, hilarious, productive, lazy, happy, spicy, sweet, delicious... nevermind... have a rocking weekend! :-)

assortment

I have been feeling a tad insipid and inspired at the same time, for some time. There is this want to do something spectacular, something that would refresh the mind, yet the mind is not fresh enough to venture into that something that eludes me. One step at a time I think, let me get things done one at a time and clear the backlogs. Tick off the tasks from the to-do-list. But I am not a to-do-list person. At times when I see some great website/design, I really wish I could do something as beautiful or spectacular or awe-inspiring. The delay in finishing up stuff is also because of my dear laptop. Its young, handsome and immensely unreliable. Serves me right for being shallow and getting swayed by good looks.

There are a few positive beginnings though, I have started reading after a long hiatus. The last book i finished reading was on vampires, good in a timepass sort of way. How historical references were tied-into the story and narration was what interested me most. Reading the book, I felt that I could easily be in a different skin, ensconced in large well stocked libraries housed in European buildings, flipping through yellowed pages. Even in this skin, I love libraries and bookshops. I don’t know why, but surrounded with so many books makes me very happy even if I don’t buy or borrow a single book. I like to look at the sea of colours and designs on the covers. Coming back to the other skin, I imagined myself roaming ancient streets, mingling with like minded dreamers who have perhaps no clue or interest in the present. It’s a bubbled and cozy life. Alas, I am too much of a realist. Which reminds me, a friend read out this astrology passage to me on Piscean traits, that stated that Pisceans are dreamers to the core, yet when you accuse them of being one (dreamer) they proclaim to be realists. And I agree, I am a realist even though people close to me disagree wholeheartedly.

There are 2 more books that i have quite ambitiously ventured into reading at the same time. I say ambitious because i have never attempted reading more than one book at a time. Usually i like to read one book, finish it and start on another. And i havent been able to finish any of the books i started reading for quite sometime. IF i could start reading one in the first place.

Speaking of imagining myself in a different skin, I have this curious habit of seeing what I hear and read. I almost always visualize everything I hear. Scenes float in front of my eyes when I hear someone narrating some incidence or when I read. The silliest and most tasteless of words are not spared and metamorphose into scenes much to my dismay. :-)

The other positive beginning has been pottery classes. The last two classes I learnt pinching and coiling. The pots looked amateurish, it was fun nevertheless! Speaking of coiling, I remember creating miniature pots and pans with coils made out of the dough Ma used for chapattis, as a kid! I cant wait to glaze and turn the wheel again!

sleep

I need to sleep.
I want to sleep... ;-)

:)

TGIF! Have a lovely weekend.

exhausted

Some time back i had written a post on traveling light and how i was shrugging off sand. Alas, all the shrugging off didn't really help; and i found myself loading and unloading loads after loads of sand that i had thought i had shrugged off...

I came here last year with 2 suitcases; one very big and one small one. Weekend was spent transferring my worldly possessions and it took 2 rounds to do so. By the end of Sunday, i was exhausted and my muscles were tense from all the cleaning up and sorting out. Without the kind soul who shared the burden and shouldered carrying the luggage... i am not sure how i would have managed to shift such monstrosity without having to call the movers...

Inspiration too it seems has deserted me at this point. The feeling of inadequacy gnaws at times and i feel quite minuscule in the bigger scheme of things. I need to get back to my reading and i need to paint more... there are so many meaningful things to do ; and yet at times i find myself wading through stagnant water...

I reckon the mind is exhausted like the body...

fallen....

You Are Fall!

Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

What Season Woman Are You?

Picked this one up from peanutbutterfly's blog.

I think i like the rains the most. And i think i would love the falls despite the fact that i have never really experienced Falls... Delhi weather is much like Black and White, all that i can remember of Delhi are long summers and short winters... But i always liked the fall colours, the fall pictures... oranges, browns, pathways draped in fallen leaves.... October was the time i liked in Delhi and the onset of winters in HK. I like that nip in the air paired with the sunrays on my face; when its not sweaty hot and neither is it bone chilling cold. I think i would like the smell of autumn just as i like how the rains smell...

Music i am listening to right now...

Creep - Radiohead

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead

Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin
One Headlight - The Wallflowers

Whole Lotta Love - oh yeah ;-)

Have a lovely week ahead...