It just seems like a dead-end. No silver lining here after the dark... the darkness just stretches on.
Darkness soaked in blood of you and me who toil everyday unaware of our blood that could soak the dark any moment...

This fucking bloodshed is never going to end and we will watch as mute spectators as always and might just perish into it one day, just like so many did last night.

Rock On!!

Watched Rock On over the weekend and loved it!

However, if i may nit-pick... the scene where Debbie gets a call from a friend telling her about the Channel V contest (10yrs earlier); 10yrs back (in case 10yrs in future is today's time), there were hardly any cellphones in India, a sleek one would be far fetched. There is however, no reference to the year in the movie, so i could be wrong.

When the band has a reunion at their usual hangout from the past, apart from the cobwebs and the derelict condition, did you notice the tube lights that were kept switched on? Who paid the bills? :P

Nit-picking apart, i loved the movie. Farhan's voice, though it sounds untrained to the ears, is really nice and rough around the edges... in a nice way. And Arjun Rampal makes waist length hair look soooooo good man! I especially liked Rampal and Shahana Goswami.

I thought Sinbaad the Sailor and Yeh Tumhari Meri Baatein were the best compositions. And the performance in the end left my heart beating faster, eyes moist and a beaming face. :P

Rock On!!

sab ne kaha tha in samundaro mein jaana nahi,
mere yaar sun lo sun lo

khwaabo ke peechhe jaake kuchh bhi hai paana nahi,
mere yaar sun lo sun lo

woh apni hi dhun mein raha
woh sunata tha dil ka kaha

uske the jo sapne, wohi uske the apne
aisa tha Sinbaad The Sailor, sailor......

Oh man... i am in love with Saawariya music, all over again.

Music hasn't made me feel so romantic and rosy-eyed, my heart go a beat faster in a looong time. Umm... i watched the movie last night... hence the sudden rush of admiration for the music. =)

Enjoy!

get outta here!

It's been 4 months short of a year and there hasn't been any break from the daily rigmarole, the city life and the mundane, save for a couple of welcome visits from family. And at this moment, every pore seems to be screaming... get outta here, take a break!

And all i can do is watch the Travel and Living channel! Man... what wouldn't i do to be in those shoes that trot the world. And that's when i am forced to think of the perils of a regular job, where you cant 'take off' as and when you want to... for that matter even 'need to'; despite me being such a sucker for notions such as "stability in life and income' etc, that seem like a pile of rubbish to the fatigued mind at this moment.

I have so many places to visit and so many invites from friends to visit, that even a year falls short. V and I keep planning where all we should go next year, but at the back of my mind, i keep thinking... with our jobs and all, we might just be spending the entire year our nose to the grindstone.

However, keeping the daydreamers flag high... the places i would love to visit right now?

Greece.
Venice.
A road trip through Europe.
Spain.
South America.
South Africa.
Goa.
Kerala.
The North East of India.
New Zealand.

... and so many other places... sigh...

Back to work now...

gloom

It has been bad news everywhere. Blasts... loss of life. Human life is so... cheap?
And then yesterday the news of another meaningless death. I get shaken everytime i hear someone young die. Someone so talented, someone who had such a bright road ahead. Why is it that the undeserving still live, feed parasite-like on the society, take pleasure in death and destruction and those who ought to have lived... die.

I cant even say may your soul rest in peace, because i dont know if there is such a thing as soul. I dont know how it all works...

nous? ;-)

Underwater World

confused

A new perspective of life is what i experienced recently.

I have never been big on kids. "I love kids... when they are someone else's" That's me... for as long as i can remember. My independence and the notion of "so many things to do and so little time" has been there with me forever. I always thought kids would take away my dreams and independence from me. A rather selfish view i agree but not untrue either.

I have not been this close to kids or a life that involves children day-in and day-out for so long that any memory of the same has been tucked away amongst cob-webs. So these few days with my cousin and her family was a strange experience. On one hand i saw how restricted and chock-a-block life had become for the two of them (cousin and her husband). It was a dramatically different life from what i remembered they lived earlier. On the other hand, i felt perhaps their life was very fulfilling. Their love of the kids perhaps made them better people? I have read/ heard about this earlier... that many a times people become better human beings when they have children, because you don't want your children to witness the bad in you... somewhere the "honorable and honour and being good" comes into play? I dont know...

This past week left me feeling exhausted and it also left me feeling warm and happy. I can only imagine the exhaustion my cousin and her husband experience every day, but i had grown attached to the kids so much that by the time it was time for them to bid goodbyes, i did not want them to leave. What i saw and felt left me a little confused about my own feelings; i started thinking of kids of my own (gulp!) something that i had never thought of before with much seriousness and feeling, and what that would do to our life together; perhaps we will have a deeper meaning to life, an unselfish reason to live; perhaps it will complete our family? i dont know.... i am confused...

Its raining and i like what i see from the slit of the curtains. The tv though drowns the pitter-patter which i love so much.

I feel exhausted. Work has been hectic and i think i am coming down with flu... all i want to do now is take a break; a few days off and relax at home, read some, and do nothing... else...

Life will change early next year and that change needs lots of preparation. So much to do. Ma had angioplasty operation; her artery was blocked. And I thought i was going to lose her. I fear losing people i love the most... more than anything else i think. Losing in terms of death. I am scared of dying... the strange thing is, i always think of myself and my memories in "eternal" terms, so every time the thought of dying crosses my mind, it startles me... i ponder on the futility of all struggles and success, of conflict and harmony... what does anything mean when the eventuality is a dead-end? Anyways, i think its the weakness and headache speaking...

I sometimes read Amitabh Bachchan and Aamir Khan's blog. Aamir's blog is always an interesting read but what surprises me is ABs command over the language. He writes so well... i always liked the way he speaks... his diction and pronunciation. But i had no clue he could write so much and so well...

And since its raining outside, and i am overwhelmed and exhausted and creativity and languid moments seem to be a thing of past, i shall reproduce something that i had written almost 2 yrs back. Perhaps, sadness/ solitude and creativity go hand in hand? Such a dilemma... since happiness is infectious too!

i fold the rain in layers
run fingers over it
smoothen the naughty running scattered creases
put them to sleep
hang it on the window sill
and wait for the wind to fan it dry
starch it stiff

i sit by the window sill
the folded rain drips and drops
dripping wet still
soaking the window sill
and I wait for the wind to arrive

while i wait, knee to chin
i gaze at the moon, frowning
bumpy with rashes, itchy and scowling
i reach one arm out
scratch the itchy armless moon
scratchy itchy armless harmless moon
i scratch it, soothe it, pat its bald head
soothed and calmed
the moon breaks into a grin
i grin back, knee to chin

i look out the window
still grinning, knee to chin
and i notice the green
the sappy, happy, mossy, grinning green
banana leaf green

i reach one arm out
scratch the green
scratch a mossy green patch clean
fingertips green, fingernails green
the green travels up my limbs
gnarly green veins
the wispy cotton dress turns green
eyes turn a sappy happy mossy green
i turn into a jungle queen!

and i wait by the window sill
the rain drips and drops, still
wetting the window sill
flooding the ground beneath

i look down and gaze astonished
as the ground below turns and twists
and The brown below struggles to turn blue
or is it blue that's trying to break free?!
boiling, gurgling, erupting
swirling, unfurling, wild blue
i watch stupefied, wide-eyed
as the ocean twists its limbs
roars and breaks free

still gazing at the blue
i roll a green lizard tongue out
in a flash i stick it out
slurp some blue, gulp it down
and lick my lips clean
smack!
this blue is a wine
a cherry red wine
a cherry red blue wine
that tastes just fine!

and i the jungle queen
sit by the window sill, still
slurping on my blue wine
grinning at the grinning moon
and i wait for the wind to arrive
to fan the dripping rain dry

good night my giant and everyone else :)

Thank you :-)

I have been "wanting" to write a post for ages now. I was all set to once or twice, but for some reason words seem to evade and avoid me. I can't write no more! *gulp*

So even though there are tons of thoughts and streams of sentences beaded together inside my head, they get lost somewhere along the way to my fingers.

Anyways...

I have been watching this program on the History channel for sometime, about the Universe. And my interest in the space and the other world has been rekindled. I remember being a very interested child... and that interest was lost on the way to adulthood and everything that comes along with it. Come to think of it, many such interests lose their way amongst the crowd of events that adulthood brings along with it.

Along with the questions and exclamations on things that are revealed to me about the space around us, comes many more questions and doubts about the meaning of life, evolution, divinity. Its one of those philosophical phases i guess and i would rather not venture into putting my thoughts into as many words... more so because its a chore for me to find as many words at this point. Told you they lose their way!

Amongst other things, a strange thought came to mind on the birthday; It seems that every decade in my life has brought along a flavour. The present one saw a major change in my life that was ushered in with a lot of pain and turmoil. And soon this one will also usher in another major change in my life; something exquisitely beautiful and joyous. Something very happy that a giant has brought along. :-)

Thanks for a lovely day my giant. It was a lovely birthday. Even the skies gifted me rain almost all day long, they know i love the rain. ;-)

And to all those who thought i was special enough to wish me, thank you so much! :-)

A war ravaged building.
Not... :P

The building next to my place was being torn down sometime back...

And sometime back someone dear said something that caused such wonderment. Because it had never occurred to me before and because it sparkled such infinite possibilities in my mind, that as a child was prone to much imagination. He said that he read somewhere, when you look at the stars, you are looking into the past. You may be looking at stars that may not even exist at the moment, because it took light years for the light from the stars reach you... so the next time you see that tiny sparkle in the sky... you could be looking at something that existed quite sometime back, but you can still see it....

Yet another one...

New Year i mean and a very happy one at that... for all :)

Meanwhile glimpses of Penang - Pearl of the Orient.