TZP

Taare Zameen Par: One of the best movies in the recent times. Watch it, it tugs at your heart strings like nothing else. Even the most cynical, hard-hearted would be melted by this one.

Beautiful!!!

Kholo kholo darwaze
Parde karo kinare
Khuntey se bandhi hai hawa
Mil ke chhudao saare

...

Baasi zindagi udaasi
Taazi hasney ko raazi
Garma garma saari
Abhi abhi hai utaari

Prasoon Joshi at his best!

rain

Its been pouring skies almost all the time and i love it. When i see an overcast pregnant sky and hear the distant thunder, it brings back images from days long gone. Of ma's cooking - khichdi and garam garam pakodas. And i no longer want to sit on the swiveling chair and peer into the huge monitor... :-/

bittersweet

So i have been trying to log into my Flickr account for ages and i can't because i have forgotten my password (i tried all the password permutations and combinations that i know of and can think of!) Duh! And i cant bloody retrieve my password because i don't remember the DOB info i had put in at the time of registration. Double duh! I have no idea how the password is different from ALL the passwords i use... unless i was doped when i updated my account and that is IF i updated my account AND i had NO idea that the DOB will be so damn crucial, so err... i must have put in some dummy content.... gawd, i can keep on ranting. Am sure my fault too, but i have never ever come across a more irritating system. Its supposed to make life easier, not so damn difficult! So what happens if i cant log into my account. Err... it will stay like this... like... forever? Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!

Anyways, on a brighter note, i have been able to fix the RSS feed issue it seems :-)

Now that the rant is over let me get to sweeter things. Christmas has brought a Digital SLR for me ;-) And i am super trigger-happy. Its still a long way for me since i have just about started on the technicalities and nuances of photography. I am still attached to my point and shoot. We go a long way; 4 years. It was my first expensive camera! :-) Having said that, i am loving my first DSLR! So many options and possibilities compared to a point and shoot.

I am uploading few pictures that i clicked today at my pottery teacher's home. Its a quaint house, the kind i like. Its one of those charming homes which have a warm, slightly untidy, scattered, lived-in feel to it. Brick and stone placed in the midst of shades of green. Pots and ceramics co-exist with the moss green creepers and bamboo shoots... I would love to have something like this, a warm cosy and inviting place where friends can drop in anytime for a cup of coffee... there’s a teeny weeny hitch in this green tinted dream; though i like the greens i am not really good with the greens. I have unfortunately not inherited my mother’s green thumb and so… have never been able to nurture a potted plant leave alone a garden!

Have a beautiful weekend you all :-)

potters inc

I got the first set of glazed items the other day. Not quite impressed by what i saw. Not sure why, but the glazes did not turn out the way i thought they would. Am glad though that i learnt something new. The pinched pots did not turn out well, but the slab box was not all that bad, though i wish i had done the glazing better. I am not entirely sure if i like the chipped glaze effect (i dont dislike it either - looks nice from some angles). I wanted a very different glaze effect for the box and did the whole masking tape thing... but when it came to dipping it in colours, i screwed up the sequence of colours... oh well... I quite liked the ash tray though. It kind of looks cute and is already being put to use by someone i gifted it to... next in line is another slabbing class and then the wheel... yay!





For some reason i can't create RSS feed for this blog! :-/

this is...

for the hairy giant
who tip-toed in gently
in cautious steps
that didn't abuse and trample
he picked up the dried leaf
wrinkled brown with frowns
wrapped it in silken moisture
cuddled it warm
smoothened the frowns
with sweeping long browns
fed it sunshine and rain
watered it in local breweries
took it to places lush and clean
turned it green

happy birthday
crazy funny sunny
gentle giant :)

m-u-n-d-a-n-e

the mundane numbs the mind
i wish i was someplace else
perched atop the fluffy blues
nestled inside the steel wings
cuddled in those long (hairy? ;-)) limbs

perhaps somewhere green
lush plush washed clean
perhaps somewhere brown
the gold dust clings to gold of the skin
it could be the misty hills
or the rain lashed sands
we could make the time stand still
untill its time to return...
to the mundane that numbs the mind


It has been a tiring week and my mind is b-l-a-n-k. I need a vacation! :-)




Nahin Saamne - Taal

One of my all time favourites.

Sunrise

Since the sun sets on the old blog... it rises here.

This is where you will find me now.
You can still tread through the jungle of memories in the old blog. :)


Here's a toast to the new skin, new beginings!

Home

September. A month of closures. The door opens to something new and beautiful. Something new yet so close... as if i have known it for ever...


i am building the walls again
but..

what if the cracks revisit
and the black slithers in
unnoticed...

what if someone sneaks in
unnoticed...
and takes my treasure away

what if you invite the intruder...

what if the walls are imaginary
and my home exists in my mind
while you breathe in open air
would you lay the bricks with me

what if you build a home
different from mine...


---


Alcohol has seeped in and random thoughts sweep in.

September was a month of closures. A couple of years back, this was something i dreaded.. and strangely enough a couple of years later the closure has brought immense relief. Because life is beautiful.
And thats all thanks to you.. :)

Yet, at times doubts knock at the door and i take a step back... i don want this to be an illusion yet again. Please let this be right... let this be forever... let me be the "little one" forever. Forevers... yet again... I dont know who i plead to. Cant be god because i dont believe in one. Certainly not in the conventional sense..

That brings me to something, i was back at home a couple of weeks back and everytime i am at home, i am amazed at the devoutness of my parents and others like them. How did i turn out to be a non-believer while my parents have immense faith in god and the justice that the all encompassing force delivers, despite the blows life has dished out to them. And when justice is not done, the fault must lie either with the deeds of previous birth or all will be taken care of in the next one.

Sometimes i think my parents and their likes who believe in cosmic justice have held onto their innocence, while i lost it along the way. I am without a religion or faith... yet i dont label myself an atheist.... maybe nature is that god that i can attempt to believe in. But then there is no justice in nature... theres just survival.

I was watching something on TV the other day which showed how monkeys (apes? i dont exactly remember)/ animals in general figure out what to do to take care of their health. They self medicate and know what to do when they fall ill. So how do they do it without possession of human intelligence or the knowhow of science and medicine? So there... nature is survival... not justice.

Then again, last night while flipping through channels, i chanced upon this discussion on the other world... the world of spirits and paranormal. I hate horror films... any horror film that i have watched has been through the gaps between my palms, slits between my eyelids or behind magazines. The idea of the other world is uneasy for me. I like the clinical option... that you die and thats the end... its clean, there is no confusion, no hanging around the seams. But then what about the paranormal incidents that people have experienced. While i write this, i realise how far i have come from the person i was in younger years. Having been brought up on a regular diet of bengali ethos sprinkled with seasonings of Durga puja, Kali puja etc... i am very far away from that world. I dont know if its a good thing or bad. But i cringe at the thought of regionalism/fanaticism/caste ism or any other pigeon hole. To me, i am my own person first and foremost...everything else that defines me... my language, the religion i was born in, the caste system that i so detest, does not exist in my world. I have my own rules and beliefs and everyone is an individual to me, shorn of these artificial embellishments... And thats the alcohol speaking... :)

I haven't written in such a long time that, there is a deluge of feelings and thoughts spilling over. Thankfully, much of it will be wiped out before staining this space... I want it to rain, it hasn't rained for what it seems a long while... perhaps becasue it has been so hot past few days.

Its late... i think i will pour myself some more Black label, indulge in some Pink Floyd and then hit the bed.

Have a wonderful, beautiful, lovable, huggable, silly, hilarious, productive, lazy, happy, spicy, sweet, delicious... nevermind... have a rocking weekend! :-)

assortment

I have been feeling a tad insipid and inspired at the same time, for some time. There is this want to do something spectacular, something that would refresh the mind, yet the mind is not fresh enough to venture into that something that eludes me. One step at a time I think, let me get things done one at a time and clear the backlogs. Tick off the tasks from the to-do-list. But I am not a to-do-list person. At times when I see some great website/design, I really wish I could do something as beautiful or spectacular or awe-inspiring. The delay in finishing up stuff is also because of my dear laptop. Its young, handsome and immensely unreliable. Serves me right for being shallow and getting swayed by good looks.

There are a few positive beginnings though, I have started reading after a long hiatus. The last book i finished reading was on vampires, good in a timepass sort of way. How historical references were tied-into the story and narration was what interested me most. Reading the book, I felt that I could easily be in a different skin, ensconced in large well stocked libraries housed in European buildings, flipping through yellowed pages. Even in this skin, I love libraries and bookshops. I don’t know why, but surrounded with so many books makes me very happy even if I don’t buy or borrow a single book. I like to look at the sea of colours and designs on the covers. Coming back to the other skin, I imagined myself roaming ancient streets, mingling with like minded dreamers who have perhaps no clue or interest in the present. It’s a bubbled and cozy life. Alas, I am too much of a realist. Which reminds me, a friend read out this astrology passage to me on Piscean traits, that stated that Pisceans are dreamers to the core, yet when you accuse them of being one (dreamer) they proclaim to be realists. And I agree, I am a realist even though people close to me disagree wholeheartedly.

There are 2 more books that i have quite ambitiously ventured into reading at the same time. I say ambitious because i have never attempted reading more than one book at a time. Usually i like to read one book, finish it and start on another. And i havent been able to finish any of the books i started reading for quite sometime. IF i could start reading one in the first place.

Speaking of imagining myself in a different skin, I have this curious habit of seeing what I hear and read. I almost always visualize everything I hear. Scenes float in front of my eyes when I hear someone narrating some incidence or when I read. The silliest and most tasteless of words are not spared and metamorphose into scenes much to my dismay. :-)

The other positive beginning has been pottery classes. The last two classes I learnt pinching and coiling. The pots looked amateurish, it was fun nevertheless! Speaking of coiling, I remember creating miniature pots and pans with coils made out of the dough Ma used for chapattis, as a kid! I cant wait to glaze and turn the wheel again!

sleep

I need to sleep.
I want to sleep... ;-)

:)

TGIF! Have a lovely weekend.

exhausted

Some time back i had written a post on traveling light and how i was shrugging off sand. Alas, all the shrugging off didn't really help; and i found myself loading and unloading loads after loads of sand that i had thought i had shrugged off...

I came here last year with 2 suitcases; one very big and one small one. Weekend was spent transferring my worldly possessions and it took 2 rounds to do so. By the end of Sunday, i was exhausted and my muscles were tense from all the cleaning up and sorting out. Without the kind soul who shared the burden and shouldered carrying the luggage... i am not sure how i would have managed to shift such monstrosity without having to call the movers...

Inspiration too it seems has deserted me at this point. The feeling of inadequacy gnaws at times and i feel quite minuscule in the bigger scheme of things. I need to get back to my reading and i need to paint more... there are so many meaningful things to do ; and yet at times i find myself wading through stagnant water...

I reckon the mind is exhausted like the body...

fallen....

You Are Fall!

Thoughtful Expressive Creative Poetic Smart

What Season Woman Are You?

Picked this one up from peanutbutterfly's blog.

I think i like the rains the most. And i think i would love the falls despite the fact that i have never really experienced Falls... Delhi weather is much like Black and White, all that i can remember of Delhi are long summers and short winters... But i always liked the fall colours, the fall pictures... oranges, browns, pathways draped in fallen leaves.... October was the time i liked in Delhi and the onset of winters in HK. I like that nip in the air paired with the sunrays on my face; when its not sweaty hot and neither is it bone chilling cold. I think i would like the smell of autumn just as i like how the rains smell...

Music i am listening to right now...

Creep - Radiohead

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead

Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin
One Headlight - The Wallflowers

Whole Lotta Love - oh yeah ;-)

Have a lovely week ahead...

Entwined n Entangled

Entwined. Acrylic on Canvas.


Finished my first attempt at Acrylic over the weekend. Entwined like you and me? :)

Its funny how we get entangled in our lifestyles. Weekend was spent disentangling myself a bit. I never realised I had gathered such a crowd around me; Packaging, bags, papers, receipts hidden in nooks and crannies. Strange thing is I don’t like to collect too much yet I manage to do just that. Most of it were things that I could do without, and much of it went into the dustbin and down the shoot. I was shrugging off the sand from myself frantically, so the bins were full of torn pieces of bills, bank statements, receipts, vouchers and what nots. The clothes are bundled up to be given to Salvation Army. And the shoe boxes are to be thrown away. In fact I have stopped taking shoe boxes; I request them to be given in bags. And why so many plastic bags? Why can’t we just use paper bags? Why can’t that be a fashion statement? Ban plastic bags, ban shoe boxes… give everything in paper bags. Paper bags can look so cool… okay, I shall stop.

The thought of living like ma-baba with knick-knacks from eons away stacked into trunks. Trunks full of papers and files from god knows which era; it gives me the jitters.

There is much to be shrugged off still. I wouldn’t say I am on the road to Zen, but I really want to travel light…





Mika - Relax
;-)

Have a lovely week ahead.

tu aa gaya yuun nazar mein
jaise subah dopahar mein
madhoshi yuun hi nahi dil pe chaayi
niyat ne li angdaayi
chhuaa tune kuchh iss tarah
badli fiza badla sama
o meri jaan...

:)

I cant stop listening to this song.
Entwined... a new canvas. Acrylic on canvas. entwined like you and me... O meri jaan :)

Watched metro... will talk about it (read Irrfan Khan)more later....

2 weeks

Photo session of a different kind! :)

Another world... beneath. Underwater World.

And yet another, tucked away but right beside. Orchid Garden - Botanical Garden.

I have just come back from the airport. Ma-baba are gone and the first thing that screams out in the house is the silence. Everything is so quiet.

I have become extremely awkward in emotional situations, especially goodbyes. And i realised its so easy for some, especially our previous generation to be expressive about their emotions. While ma-baba had moist eyes at the airport, i felt ill at ease. I wanted to flee as soon as i could. Not because i wasn't feeling sad or emotional, but because i feel as though i have lost control of my life if i were to let out too much, especially in front of my parents. I feel as if i need to gather the bits and pieces of myself, my life and sanity and theirs too, in my palms, and if i were to let out too much, it would weaken me and my parents in the process. I do not want to be weak.

The 2 weeks went past in a moment its seems. Despite the occassional generational gap debates and annoyances, i am glad ma-baba enjoyed themselves and i could spend some time with them and take them out and about. Maa was forced to walk more than she ever had, her rotund figure waddling like a duck! Needless to say she was the butt of baba and my jokes. Baba had his fill of Beer and Whiskey and Ma enjoyed the Orchids in the Botanical gardens, and i came to see a part of Singapore that i had not witnessed before; so serene, calm and beautiful. Its strange how there are tranquil worlds tucked away behind the hustle and bustle of the city, that thrive and breathe a life of their own, and we never realise that they are within our reach, as we are wrenched, pulled and pushed in our everyday rigmarole.

Stranger is the fact that my world has become to be what it is now, a far cry from my parents world or what they had expected my life would turn out to be. Their world seems to have frozen somewhere while mine has moved on. However at the end of day i guess, they reconcile and are happy if their children are happy.

I realise it is indeed true that when parents grow old they become your kids. When ma kept looking back at me from the immigration queue, her round self turning back and looking at me with long lost eyes, she looked like that child who is being forced to leave something precious behind. And i felt heavy in my heart and relieved at the same time. Relieved because i wanted to get back to my world, where i felt in control of my emotions, my life... heavy at heart because i realised how selfless their love is...

Can t believe that I'm the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me

Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know you never told me

Yeah boy band... so what...

escape

Often times, when the mind is tired, i wish for it to rain or i get fleeting glimpses of moments from my childhood behind shut eyes; mostly about rain or storms or amidst nature. Perhaps because it gives a sense of coziness, you know how it is like when you are younger/child. Maybe it is so, because other side is always greener? When we are younger we cant wait to grow up and get it all under our control, be the masters of our destiny and escape the drudgery of school and studies. And then we grow up and life serves us few punches, some that we can handle, a few which are tougher, yet most of us manage. So, at times a few of us reminisce with pink goggles.
Escape.

I was about to sleep and i closed my eyes and these moments from my younger years floated. Delhi is not really known for its rains, yet i remember this once, eons back when it poured. It must have rained plenty times after that, but this imagery remains with me, when waves of water poured and washed down the roads. I used to love the rare occurance of what we used to call 'shila brishti', something like bits of snow (?) with rain. And i do miss the typhoons and storms of HK when all i could hear was the roar of wind outside and all i could see was the tall palms sway. Funny how nature in turmoil can make one feel snug and cozy.

Escape.

Which reminds me, i was watching the rerun of yesterdays episode of KBC tonight. So this person on being teased by SRK about how he gets away with daydreaming about gopis (women) replies how its easier to think/daydream of things as compared to doing them in real life. Fo example, you can walk on the moon, land on mars in your dreams, achieving that in real life in material terms is another ballgame... similarly you can think of as many gopis in your mind as you want as long as you dont go ahead and try turn your dream into reality.
Makes sense? :P

Its late, goodnight you all... sweet dreams! :)

tears in heaven

Ferry to Bintan. Indonesia.

Mujhe raat din. Sangharsh.

I have been listening to 'Mujhe raat din' since morning. And despite work, romance managed to seep in through the cracks. I love this song and find it incredibly romantic. Theres something so sexy about 'waiting', 'stolen glances', passion that seethes beneath, and the eyes... i remember the eyes most, when that someone would seek and crave for you through his eyes, because everything else is unspoken.

karoon kya mujhe tum bataati nahin ho
chupaati ho mujhse yeh tumhaari khataa hai...

What's gotten into me!

And then when the couch potato takes over after a hard days work, i come across this long forgotten song on American Idol and there you go, that feeling seeps in again.

there's a kind of hush
all over the world tonight
all over the world
you can hear the sounds of lovers in love
you know what I mean

just the two of us
and nobody else in sight
there's nobody else and I'm feeling good
just holding you tight...

And that set me thinking, yes i have been told that i think too much, a trait that i accuse my mother of yet cannot seem to shrug off myself. But let me not digress. Coming back to my train of thoughts, this was different, there was familiarity here; comfortable and cozy. Then again, does comfort kill longing? Can familiarity and want co-exist? Don't we want love and lust in equal share? But then, romance and trust go hand in hand for some and trust takes some time. And with time and trust comes comfort which is oh so beautiful... so what does one do? Hmmm...

On a different note, one more couch potato pick from the series Earl. And many i know would vouch for this one:
Quitting smoking is stressful and when i am stressed, i smoke.

Have a wonderful weekend! :-)

I remember your eyes baby... the most...

ermmm

So i watched Eklavya today. Aside the fact that i could see everything in doubles... (no it wasn't alcohol, it was the focus... duh!) and that it marred the stunning visuals, i had one question. For those of you who have seen the movie, you will probably know what i am talking about.

It's a post independence story; the backdrop being the fast fading power of the Rajwaras. An assumption reiterated by one of the dialogues Sanjay Dutt's character mouths - something on the lines of 'ab democracy hai' (translated: its democracy now). Note the emphasis on 'Ab'.

And if that is the case, how do you explain Jimmy Shergill's character watching Parinda minutes before being killed by Amitabh Bachchan?

Hmmm...

since... hence... :p

Since i don't exercise culinary skills often.
Since my latest guinea pigs survived my experiments.

Hence... ;-)

Chicken. Paneer. Aaloo subzi. And some colours! Pics taken by turquoisebleu.

Have a good week ahead you all. :)

WTF!!!!

Arrrrrrrrrrggghhhh!!

Am in for some password trouble. Have been trying to log onto my Flickr account... it wouldn't let me!! Wrong ID or Password it says... how so?? I have been logging in with this password forever. And i tried all the passwords that i use and i have a set of passwords that i use, its not as if this one is out of the ordinary or some godforsaken word/number combo that i wouldn't remember otherwise!!

Am so effing pissed off, the 'forgot password' help is no help either... it asks me for my b'day information AND Postal code!!! What if i DON'T remember the postal code i fed in... what if i fed-in the postal code when i was in Timbuktu and not there anymore and hence dont remember it. Isn't technology supposed to make our life easier??? Why the eff retrieving my password so effing difficult!!!

All i wanted to do was upload some pics on Flickr... sigh...

Oh the other day i realised my Haloscan account for the poetry blog has vanished. Just like that!! :O

Damn!!

knock. knock!

Daman. Sunset. Dec 2006.

It's a new beginning; quite literally for me. This year the sun finally sets on things i have left behind... shores left long past, that dim in the distance as i watch the faint lines blur and disappear into the blushing horizon. And somehow, the sunset brings a sense of relief and an urgency to move forward, move on and let go of anything that wasn't mine. Indeed there is an immense sense of relief. Perhaps because i am watching the sunset from a distance, on this gold sprinkled sandy beach of new beginnings, new associations, hope and love... And as i sit amidst the wind; the salt in the wind that has dried the salt that welled in my eyes in not such a distant past, a distant shore though, i feel it even more... that nothing is ever the end until you are dead.


The New Year was ushered-in amongst new friendships; some wonderful people who welcomed me with warmth. Hyderabad, Mumbai and Daman. Bottles & Chimney; getting drunk, driving (not me!), Mocha; some more drinking (coffee this time), Biryani, some more driving on Hyderabad roads (not me again), Go Karting (that's the only 'driving' that i managed. Baah!).

Much has changed in Hyderabad in the 7yrs since my last visit. The part of the city that was still at a nascent stage wore a crowded look. Unfortunately i couldn't visit the old city; the plate was full. On our way to Mumbai from Hyderabad, I was surprised at the number of Budget Airlines that have cropped up - Go Air, Spice Air, Kingfisher to name a few. The best part, no auntijis as airhostesses. Sometimes while traveling on Air India, one feels like a school kid what with air-hostess auntijis ordering you around like school teachers. Almost makes me nostalgic. :p

It was amchi Mumbai after Hyderabad. After about 20yrs! A night drive on empty Mumbai roads and a tete-a-tete with Mumbai Police as we parked at Nariman Point in the dead of the night. It didn't help that we drove through and parked on the wrong side of the road. Well, they didn't know that we were all high on beer as well! Not much was seen of Mumbai, but what made an impression on me was the sense-of-humour Mumbai autowallahs possess, something that their brethrens in Delhi are in severe need of. While we were driving through Mumbai roads at night, a friend noticed one of those 'drunk driving messages' only much more inspiring this time. It said, 'Jeeyoge nahi toh peeyoge kaise?' Translated it means, how will you drink if you don't live? See! Not preachy at all, lots of sense... and humour. Damn good life-funda i thought.

After our one-night-stand with Mumbai, a stopover at a dhaba for aaloo-parantha and some yummy creamy dahi later, we were driving through the Western Express Highway to Daman (again moi driving. Not!). I love endless roads and endless drives with the window open. I like the wind on my face. Something that i don't get to do in the AC cabs here. Someday i would like to stand and smoke at the train door, while villages and green fields rush past me, you know like they show in the movies? :)

Daman was a different experience. A sleepy town that was a Portuguese colony not so long back. Unlike other beaches that i have seen till now, the sand here was dark grey. I thought dirt at first, but was told it's because of the rocks they are coloured so. We walked through the slush and mud of the sea in an attempt to see how far the water had receded during the day and we sat on the rocks in the evening only to realise that the water had filled in and surrounded us. We spent time sitting on the beach, gulping down beer, munching on fried pomfret and prawns - fresh catch we were told, playing dumb-charades. Evenings were spent watching enthusiastic junta dancing to latest Bollywood chart-busters and even more enthusiastic Gujjus dancing to Gujju tunes that seemed to go on and on and on. All courtesy the local 'Power DJ'. :) And amidst these moments, 2007 came knocking at our door. We welcomed it with a bottle of Champagne. (Pronounced cham-paag-ne. Yes i used to do that as well; helped my English. My spellings were almost always correct ;D)

It's back to the grind, back to same old same old new.

Moral of the story/life lesson learnt:
Jeeyoge nahi toh peeyoge kaise?
*And i sit with my glass of Johnnie Walker Black Label as i write this* ;-)

Wish you all a very Happy New Year. Hope that all you wished for, craved for, prayed for comes true this year. :)