05/05/05

A friend of mine reminded me today was 05/05/05. I was like...oh really, wow! I didn't realise that!

And it was then that it struck me how much 'for granted' I take dates and time. I don't keep track of dates on a day to day basis. If you were to ask me off-hand what date it is, it would take me a wee bit more than normal to give you an answer. But I am good at remembering b'days of my friends and family. B'days and Sunsigns. :-)

Is it that in the end your life becomes a succession of 365 days? You don't even realise till one has turned into past and another one is staring you in the face.

In school, everytime I jotted down a new year on my notebook, it left me with bittersweet feelings. As juvenile as it seems now, I would find it difficult to let go of the past year. It left me with a faint sadness - as if I was letting go of something personal. Something that I owned and felt attached to. But the sweet of the bittersweet meant I was excited with the thought of new experiences, another year of growing up and one step closer to adulthood. But that was then. Teenage. When adulthood and emancipation were infinitely charming and exciting.

And this is now.

A few months back I went through the same feelings that I experienced while jotting-down the year on my school notebook. I knew I was hitting the big 3 soon. It was quite unbelieveble that I was crossing the threshold to the 30s. That I was leaving behind my 20s; a whole decade of being young. Funny how I had stopped thinking in terms of age once I crossed my teenage. But all of a sudden my third decade was not a thing of a blurred future. It was real, staring me in the face. I was a little sad...no honestly I was quite sad for sometime! But again the sweet of bittersweet came to my rescue (as did my friends and family), and I started seeing all the perks of being 30! I am so much more aware of myself. I think I understand people better. I hope I am more mature - a lot less of the girl in me, a lot more of the woman in me. I wouldn't want to loose the girl altogether though. And I can finally look down upon the 20 somethings with an air of 'I know it all'!! :D

Even then, I sometimes wonder how many more 365s do I have to go through. And should I just relax and see them go past me, one after the other. Or do I jump-in and run along? For some reason, I feel like being a spectator, for now. Tomorrow at some point I'm sure I would want to jump in. I wouldn't want to be left wondering in the end - the last 365, why didn't I jump-in after all?!

What colour are you?

WINTER SKY

You were given rare combination of artistic creativity and financial know-how. It is a wonderful gift to be able to create your dreams while building a financial structure to support them. It is important that you share your talent and your wealth with others because it is the sharing that will bring you some of the most worthwhile blessings. Your personal color helps you stay centered. Wearing meditating or surrounding yourself with Winter Sky infuses your life with faith and magic.

So what colour are you?

*For the design conscious, don't skip the intro. It's well done, i like the flash transitions.* :-)

The potter's wheel

The wheel spins into a blur. And your fingers caress the wet shapeless mound to give it shape and identity. Wet mud. Sensual. Your fingers are like a dancer's or a masseur's fingers, soft yet firm. You see contours emerging from this shapeless mound, much like a baby in the mother's womb. Just a little stress there, a different choreography of the fingers and you see a whole new form unfold before your eyes. The incredible feeling of creating something.



I have always wanted to learn pottery and i was happy that i could make that happen...finally. I risk sharing a few of my creations with the world at large. They are not the best ones, but they are special to me. They are my babies. Like all first good things, the first crush, the first kiss, the first painting, the first sculpture...my first attempt at pottery :-)

Which Desperate Housewife are you?

Aparna is the Susan of Desperate Housewives!

You always mean well, but somehow things don't always work out as you'd planned. It doesn't matter. You take your tumbles with good grace and always come up smiling. But try to remember you're the grown-up in your family.
hmmm....:P

So which one are you?

Parineeta - A trip down melody lane

From Uttar Pradesh to Bong land. That's the extent of my musical journey these past few days and boy am i pleased!!

The 50s, 60s, and early 70s were the golden era of the bollywood musical scene, each decade with a glitter of its own. Then came the late 70s and 80s and bollywood saw the worst in music (barring a few exceptions). 90s was thankfully far better but not quite. And then came the 21st century and by some stroke of genius the melody and novelty starved bollywood music scene is back on track. Hopefully.

Now back to Parineeta.



First things first, this is a must-listen album for anyone who prefers melody and the oldies. The sound of this album is similar to the likes of 1942-Love Story (Kuch na Kaho, Rim Jhim Rim Jhim - the haunting melodies basically).

Sonu Nigam and Shreya Ghoshal are in top-form. My favourites would be 'Hui Main Parineeta', 'Piyu Bole', 'Raat Hamari to'.

Piyu Bole is a beautiful number. Extremely melodious and refreshing. And very mmm...singable (if there's any such word) :-) Shreya Ghoshal and Sonu Nigam sound divine and damn good together.

Hui Main Parineeta is outstanding. Sounds very different. Very romantic. It's based on Piyu Bole but has been treated in a totally different way, giving it it's own identity. Awesome!

Raat Hamari to is a slow, haunting, sad number. Chitra has sung it beautifully.

Kaisi Paheli Zindagaani takes you down the memory lane to the night club numbers of the 50s & 60s . In the same vein as the classic Geeta-Dutt, Asha Bhonsle night club numbers (remember Howrah Bridge?). Sunidhi Chauhan renders this well. This one has been picturised on the one and only Rekha! So should be an interesting watch!

Soona Man ka Aangan is a sad number sung by who else but Sonu Nigam. He seems to have mastered sad songs :P. Supported beautifully again by Shreya Ghoshal. I read somewhere that, so taken-in by this song was Sonu Nigam that he actually ended-up crying up for real during recording. Phew!

Kasto Mazaa is a nice number. Sung by Sonu Nigam and Shreya Ghoshal. But not as outstanding as the rest in my humble opinion. Has been picturised on the Darjeeling train i suppose.

Dhinak Dhinak Dha is the only number which err...sticks out as a sore thumb in this album. Maily because it's quite loud. It's a naughty shaadi number. But i am least keen to listen to this one.

This is a must-listen album and i think a must-watch movie as well, going by the looks of the movie-stills. Can't wait to watch Saif Ali Khan in bong-garb, he sure looks hot! :D

Listen to Parineeta songs here: http://www.musicindiaonline.com/l/17/s/movie_name.7875/

i. the narcissist. the two fishes.

i like the wind. i like thunderstorms. i also like the winter sun.

i like the sea. but i don't want to venture too deep. i like the ground beneath my feet.

i want to be free. but i also need to belong.

i like to sit by the window. i like to observe. but i also want to be noticed.

i am rebellious. yet i can be painfully traditional at times.

i want to change the world. but i don't want to get my hands dirty doing it.

i am an idealist. yet i can see both sides of the coin.

i come across as extremely candid. but i'm actually quite gaurded.

i am scared of heights. but i take the tallest free-fall ride in the world and i sit by the window when i fly.



i like to be independent. yet i want to be taken care of.

i could be very unhappy. but you wouldn't know because i could laugh the most when i am unhappy.

i am honest. but i am also make-believe. i am an actress.

i am very resilient. very strong. but i am also very weak-willed.

i don't believe in religious restrictions and irrationalities. but i believe in destiny. i believe in astrology.

i am not moneywise. but i am forever concerned about financial security.

i like to be alone. i don't like loneliness.

i am like the two fishes of my sign. swimming in two opposite directions. trying to find what i am and some courage.

i. the narcissist. i am obsessed about evaluating myself. but i don't love myself. why can't i just say at the end there is just myself. because that is perhaps the reality.

i need to cling onto my relationships and i am scared to let go. why do i always feel like a kite with it's strings cut without my relationships to validate me. i should break free and swim upstream for a change.

but i know tomorrow i will be back to my security-seeking self. tomorrow i will feel torn apart by my freedom-seeking self.

i am forever trying to find the balance. and forever failing.



this was a sad little post. tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Happy B'day Baba

It was my dad's Birthday yesterday. He turned 63. Took this picture this time around in Delhi.

My dad like many other Indian dads was what one would define as protective and at some point defined by me as 'over'protective. I never had that 'friends' equation with baba like i have seen with many other girls. Ma was there for that. Baba was always baba, protective, conventional baba.

But he was also full of contradictions. He was a hit with my friends especially guys (and here I'm talking about guys who are just friends, not boyfriends - the equation changed with even a hint of romance anywhere). He was a hit because of his awesome sense of humour.

I also remember him as a tyrant where my studies were concerned. Well tyrant may be an exaggeration, but yeah he was forever worried about my career choice (which to his dissapointment wasn't a Doctor or an Engineer). He perhaps wanted his children to be these super-achievers but over the years has accepted me and my brother's choices in life. Exam time was crunch time. As much as i hated it, i had to go though this early-morning-studying ritual every day! He had a theory that your mind is fresh early in the morning. Mine was far from it! But in all fairness he was more punctual in the waking up ritual than i could ever be.

He is also the true-blue bengali while i was the rebellious cosmopolitan. So there was enough fodder for arguments and this tradition is being continued by my brother! :D The joke going around in my family is that baba looks for a Bengali restaurant while eating out!

I have inherited my love for music from my dad. He lives for music and is quite young at heart. One would assume from his age that he would have a slightly tame/mature taste in music. But no sir! On the contrary, he digs the remixes churned out and has quite a number of them stacked up on the dashboard of the car. He hates to drive without music. And like me he digs RD Burman, SD Burman, Salil Choudhuri. He is also a romantic at heart. It's a little embarrasing and a lot of fun when he serenades Ma on some romantic song played on TV and Ma clumsily shuffles her feet along with him...and then exasperratingly exclaims "ufff onek hoyeche! bas aar na...onek boyesh hoyeche!" [Translated: That's enough! No more...We are old now!] :P

Apart from music I hope I have inherited his flair for languages. He writes very well. And he can speak several languages. About 8 or 9 of them! Apart form English, Hindi, Bangla, he can speak fluent Telugu, Manipuri, Bhutanese. He can also speak Punjabi, smattering of Nepali and Bihari hindi.

We have had our share of terrible rows.
An instance: He was what one would call, a chain-smoker. He could smoke 3-packs of cigarettes each day...that was normal. There were warnings from the doc which didn't help, neither did my mother's constant nagging. So I decided to take matters in my hands. Gave him an ultimatum that if he doesn't curb his smoking frequency he will be guilty of making me start smoking.I thought I had tamed him untill he said - Okay go ahead, I dont mind!! I was furious and appalled by the reaction and to prove my point took a cigarette from him and lighted it and took my first puff...and well I hated it!! I hated the taste of smoke and heat inside my mouth and throat! I failed to understand how he could smoke so much. Later, on being confronted by my mother as to how he could encourage his children to smoke, he said he knew I would hate it, so why bother and jeoparadise his smoking scene!! My brother doesn't smoke. I don't think my dad would mind if he did!

Despite all this he cried the most when I got married. And he is one of those rare men who cry watching movies.

Our relationship has gone through it's share of highs and lows. But I'm glad that my parents have each other at this point. My dad makes sure that Ma recieves a Bouquet first thing in the morning every b'day and Ma reciprocates the same way. They go and watch the latest bollywood movie to hit the town together. Ma makes sure that she cooks the fish just the way baba likes it. With just the right flavour and taste to it and scolds him if he slyly ventures to add a little extra salt. Somehow it's reassuring to see both of them sticking it out despite all odds after 30 years of stepping into each others lives. It's reassuring in a world full of incompatibilies, over-analysing of relationships. Perhaps it was easier for them to take it as it is and make it work regardless of anything else. And I'm glad that they did.

And I'm glad that I have them as parents, even if tomorrow I have to shout at them long distance over something that I don't agree with them on. :-)

I should end this post with my Ma's picture. She has lovely green eyes. Besides I'm a tad sentimental today and can't think of Ma and Baba separate.